* Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
* Never miss a good chance to shut up.
* We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
* Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
* If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
* I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
* The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
* There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence.
* What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
* Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
* An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
* If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.